Title: The Mother-in-Law’s Manual: Proven Strategies for Creating Healthy Relationships with Married Children
Author: Susan Abel Lieberman, PH.D.
Genre: Nonfiction/Family Matters
Publisher: bright sky press
ISBN: 978-1933979410
Originally reviewed by Karen Cioffi for Bookpleasures.com
The Mother-in-Law’s Manual is a wonderfully insightful and at times humorous advice manual for dealing with not only in-laws, but also other family members. Having recently seen a commercial for Monsters-in-Law, with Jennifer Lopez, it was refreshing to read a much more realistic portrayal of mother-in-laws, especially since I am one myself.
Lieberman’s first chapter explains that when our children are young we are afforded an abundance of advice from professionals such as Dr. Spock. But, when our children are grown, leave the nest and marry, we are left to fend for ourselves. Lieberman’s analogy for the marriage is: “They are moving to a new country that they will create together. Yes, we get territorial. Use my bill of rights. Celebrate my holidays. Serve my food. Even if we don’t see it like a competition, we are likely to consider each deviation a loss.”
Situations that never existed before are now ones that can cause hurt, sadness, and even anger, along with satisfaction and happiness. This book delves into all the emotions that come into play. The child who was once yours now belongs to someone else. The author alludes to the fact that this is more of an issue when it is your son and you are dealing with a daughter-in-law. But, whether son or daughter, the dynamics of the family change.
The Mother-in-Law’s Manual is jammed packed with bits and pieces of wisdom. One of my favorite gems comes right after the “10 most recommended rules” for mothers-in-law which are all the same, “Keep your mouth shut.” Lieberman cleverly explains: “Even if we could follow the rule(s) and not say one word that would be heard as contentious, judgmental, argumentative, or critical […] our children would still hear contentions, judgments, arguments, and criticisms.” As a mother and mother-in-law, these are words that ring true. At times it seems you just can’t win. I thought this section was so funny, I had to read it to my husband.
It is difficult to do justice to all the pearls of wisdom in this book. It explains not to fret over the small things, our perceptions and our intent matter, when not to offer advice, and so much more. It even considers the roles of grandparents, children’s relationships to aging parents, and the aging process itself as Lieberman coins as “zippy to droopy.” She even includes a glimpse of her relationship with her own mother, the frustrations and sometimes guilt that is inevitable when a parent reaches an old age or is ill. Having taken care of a quadriplegic mother my experiences are somewhat different, but in some aspects they are the same. When watching your parent age, you wonder if you’re looking at your future.
Lieberman’s efforts produced an impressive book that all family members should read. Her research involved interviews with as many mothers-in-law across the country and from different backgrounds as she could. She even interviewed a number of daughters-in-law and sons-in-law. Many of these interviews are in the book. Some of their stories/advice sounded familiar, others were surprising. But, they all brought another element of enlightenment. Adult children who read this, married or unmarried, will hopefully gain insight into their parents as not only Mom or Dad, but as individuals with a life of their own including hopes, needs and feelings.
One final gem from the book that struck a chord with me is in Chapter Ten: “I understand my children are not my friends, that our relationship is that unique connection between parent and child. But, there is a way in which we are candid and honest with close, old friends, yet show a carefulness, a respectfulness that can be forgotten with parents. As soon as we begin to feel superior to a friend, the nature of the friendship shifts.” Lieberman hit just about every nail on the head with The Mother-in-Law’s Manual. I give this book 5 Stars and highly recommend it.
About the author:
Susan Abel Lieberman currently lives in Houston and works as an executive coach. She has written five books, including New Traditions: Redefining Celebrations for Today’s Family. The Mother-in-Law’s Manual springs from the realization that her assumption that anyone would be thrilled to have her for a mother-in-law was off base. Rather than accepting family tension, she put her skills as a researcher and an executive coach to work to improve the situation. Ordained as an interfaith minister, Lieberman also holds a master’s from Berkeley, and a Ph.D. from the University of Pittsburg. As a wife, mother, mother-in-law and grandmother, she is well-versed in the challenges presented by every stage of family life. The Mother-in-Law’s Manual brings her personal and professional insights together to help mothers-in-law everywhere start a new chapter in their family life.
About the reviewer:
Karen Cioffi-Ventrice may be reached at
http://www.dkvwriting4u.com
http://karencioffi.com/media-page/
She blogs at http://karenandrobyn.blogspot.com and is co-Author of Day's End Lullaby. She is also author of The Self-Publisher's Guide, Writing, Publishing, and Marketing - You Can Do It!, and Walking Through Walls
Tweet with her at http://twitter.com/KarenCV
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The New Book Review is blogged by Carolyn Howard-Johnson, author of the multi award-winning HowToDoItFrugally series of books for writers. It is a free service offered to those who want to encourage the reading of books they love. That includes authors who want to share their favorite reviews, reviewers who'd like to see their reviews get more exposure, and readers who want to shout out praise of books they've loved. Please see submission guidelines on the left of this page. Reviews and essays are indexed by author names, reviewer names, and review sites. Writers will find the index handy for gleaning the names of small publishers. Find other writer-related blogs at Sharing with Writers and The Frugal, Smart and Tuned-In Editor.
As a courtesy to the author, please tweet and retweet this post using the widget below:
Showing posts with label Book Pleasures (review site). Show all posts
Showing posts with label Book Pleasures (review site). Show all posts
Friday, 23 April 2010
Monday, 11 January 2010
Norm Goldman Reviews Award-Winning Literary Novel
Houses: a novel
Genre: Fiction/Literary/Women's
Publisher: Leigh Walker Books
ISBN: 978-0-32893-5
Reviewed by Norm Goldman for BookPleasures.com and Amazon
Rated 5 stars on Amazon
You may never have heard of Cynthia Rogers Parks, author of Houses winner of the 2008 Good Read novel competition sponsored by A Woman's Write, but you will wonder why, when you've read this novel.
Parks did an incredible job delivering to her readers a cozy and humane narrative through the voice of her principal character, Lacey Winters. Unveiling a half century of her life from the 1950s onwards, Lacey spins quite an absorbing yarn, and despite being a work of fiction, we actually feel she is "real," particularly if you grew up around the same time and experienced some of the rough challenges that she endured.
One of the triumphs of this novel is the manner in which Parks depicts time and place, as she cleverly intertwines the many events that have preoccupied the media over the past fifty years--assassinations, riots, scandals, civil rights protests, women rights movements, and a host of other events that, as the back cover of the book most aptly sums up, " the turbulent 60s through the psychedelic 70s, the materialistic 80s and the booms and busts of the end of the last century." And she has marvelously accomplished this feat,while avoiding the trap of overwhelming us with a great deal of back story and grounding narration. Yet, Houses still manages to reveal more about a half a century and the ways in which people inhabited it than the flood of tomes devoted to it.
As I read this novel, I couldn't help asking myself, how do you take an inventory of your life? How do you measure your life? What do you use as your signposts? What do you include and what do you leave out? How do you want to be remembered? And then there is the "what if?" Life often doesn't turn out as we expected and in fact, as is the case with Lacey, sometimes it seems to take another direction entirely. Remember the Yiddish proverb, "Man plans, God laughs."
As for Lacey, she sketches her life as a collection of phases or milestones that she identifies with the assorted houses she has lived in from the time she was a tot living at her grandmother's home with her sister and father, after the fatal accident of her mother, until her last one, when she marries for the third time. Each corresponds to a segment of her life portraying a different theme or issue that runs the gamut from teenage pregnancy and marriage, miscarriage, spousal war-time death, poverty, parental and sibling estrangements, suburbia, domesticity and independence, infidelity, divorce, depression, mid-life crisis, empty nest syndrome, unemployment, to being widowed for the second time. As Lacey sums up: "You think, don't you, that you impose yourself, stamp your own individualism, on the places you choose to live in. In fact, it works the other way around. Sometimes houses have their own ideas."
Parks is a extraordinary writer who has a talent for picking out tiny, telling details that make an entire scene or event come alive. In addition, her fine ear for dialogue effortlessly infuses mild, wry humor throughout the novel.
Cynthia Rogers Parks holds an M.A. And Ph.D in English from Georgia State University where, according to her bio, she was one of the earliest entrants in their graduate Creative Writing Program. Subsequently she taught English, business writing, and ESL classes for fourteen years. Her short stories have been published in numerous university and regional literary publications and she is a former Redbook Fiction finalist.
Norm Goldman, Publisher & Editor Bookpleasures
Cynthia Rogers Parks
http://housesthenovel.com
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The New Book Review is blogged by Carolyn Howard-Johnson, author of the multi award-winning HowToDoItFrugally series of books for writers. It is a free service offered to those who want to encourage the reading of books they love. That includes authors who want to share their favorite reviews, reviewers who'd like to see their reviews get more exposure, and readers who want to shout out praise of books they've loved. Please see submission guidelines on the left of this page. Reviews and essays are indexed by author names, reviewer names, and review sites. Writers will find the index handy for gleaning the names of small publishers. Find other writer-related blogs at Sharing with Writers and The Frugal, Smart and Tuned-In Editor.
And while you're at it, as a courtesy to the author, please retweet this post:
Genre: Fiction/Literary/Women's
Publisher: Leigh Walker Books
ISBN: 978-0-32893-5
Reviewed by Norm Goldman for BookPleasures.com and Amazon
Rated 5 stars on Amazon
You may never have heard of Cynthia Rogers Parks, author of Houses winner of the 2008 Good Read novel competition sponsored by A Woman's Write, but you will wonder why, when you've read this novel.
Parks did an incredible job delivering to her readers a cozy and humane narrative through the voice of her principal character, Lacey Winters. Unveiling a half century of her life from the 1950s onwards, Lacey spins quite an absorbing yarn, and despite being a work of fiction, we actually feel she is "real," particularly if you grew up around the same time and experienced some of the rough challenges that she endured.
One of the triumphs of this novel is the manner in which Parks depicts time and place, as she cleverly intertwines the many events that have preoccupied the media over the past fifty years--assassinations, riots, scandals, civil rights protests, women rights movements, and a host of other events that, as the back cover of the book most aptly sums up, " the turbulent 60s through the psychedelic 70s, the materialistic 80s and the booms and busts of the end of the last century." And she has marvelously accomplished this feat,while avoiding the trap of overwhelming us with a great deal of back story and grounding narration. Yet, Houses still manages to reveal more about a half a century and the ways in which people inhabited it than the flood of tomes devoted to it.
As I read this novel, I couldn't help asking myself, how do you take an inventory of your life? How do you measure your life? What do you use as your signposts? What do you include and what do you leave out? How do you want to be remembered? And then there is the "what if?" Life often doesn't turn out as we expected and in fact, as is the case with Lacey, sometimes it seems to take another direction entirely. Remember the Yiddish proverb, "Man plans, God laughs."
As for Lacey, she sketches her life as a collection of phases or milestones that she identifies with the assorted houses she has lived in from the time she was a tot living at her grandmother's home with her sister and father, after the fatal accident of her mother, until her last one, when she marries for the third time. Each corresponds to a segment of her life portraying a different theme or issue that runs the gamut from teenage pregnancy and marriage, miscarriage, spousal war-time death, poverty, parental and sibling estrangements, suburbia, domesticity and independence, infidelity, divorce, depression, mid-life crisis, empty nest syndrome, unemployment, to being widowed for the second time. As Lacey sums up: "You think, don't you, that you impose yourself, stamp your own individualism, on the places you choose to live in. In fact, it works the other way around. Sometimes houses have their own ideas."
Parks is a extraordinary writer who has a talent for picking out tiny, telling details that make an entire scene or event come alive. In addition, her fine ear for dialogue effortlessly infuses mild, wry humor throughout the novel.
Cynthia Rogers Parks holds an M.A. And Ph.D in English from Georgia State University where, according to her bio, she was one of the earliest entrants in their graduate Creative Writing Program. Subsequently she taught English, business writing, and ESL classes for fourteen years. Her short stories have been published in numerous university and regional literary publications and she is a former Redbook Fiction finalist.
Norm Goldman, Publisher & Editor Bookpleasures
Cynthia Rogers Parks
http://housesthenovel.com
-----
The New Book Review is blogged by Carolyn Howard-Johnson, author of the multi award-winning HowToDoItFrugally series of books for writers. It is a free service offered to those who want to encourage the reading of books they love. That includes authors who want to share their favorite reviews, reviewers who'd like to see their reviews get more exposure, and readers who want to shout out praise of books they've loved. Please see submission guidelines on the left of this page. Reviews and essays are indexed by author names, reviewer names, and review sites. Writers will find the index handy for gleaning the names of small publishers. Find other writer-related blogs at Sharing with Writers and The Frugal, Smart and Tuned-In Editor.
And while you're at it, as a courtesy to the author, please retweet this post:
